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  • Writer's pictureNancy Parker

No Blame, No Pain.

Often when something or someone disturbs or angers us, our first response is to assign blame. We usually blame someone else – “it’s their fault; they did it!” We find this the easiest option, and it means we don’t need to look at ourselves and own our own part of the problem.

If we understood that everything which happens to us we have attracted in some way, then we could perhaps stand back, observe, and learn. After all, ‘like attracts like’ doesn’t it?

Another option when something appears ‘wrong’ is to blame ourselves – “it must be my fault”. Even if we try to hide this feeling so no one else will notice, then the guilt – often learned from long ago, still masks the problem, so nothing changes, and guilt is just as damaging as denial.

But perhaps there is a third option that might change the problem dramatically, positively and permanently. And that is to lay no blame, but instead to forgive.

When something or someone upsets us, the response I recommend is forgiveness. Not always easy, but forgiveness lays no blame and just clears all the negative emotions. Remember there could be unconscious issues from childhood, family tree, or other lifetimes involved in the problem.

The forgiveness response I like to use is:

“I forgive……. for ……; I forgive myself for my part in this; and God please help me to forgive all the parts of this that I don’t understand.”

Repeat this affirmation/ prayer whenever the negative emotion arises; I have found it to have amazing results.

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